roxybisquaint: (sarah expletive)
Don't you hate it when you get to the end of a good hair day? Because you know a bad hair day is sure to follow.

Maybe it's not the same for you, but good hair days never come consecutively for me. I can have days in a row of decent hair, hair I don't hate, nondescript passable hair. But actual good hair is always a fluke. It's that perfect accident of a great part, the right amount of natural air-drying before I blow dry, the length of time I blow dry it before I get impatient and flip my head upside down to speed up the process, and the perfect ratio of hair products. Today it all came together so well that even as the day winds down, it still looks good. I even got coffee on my hair got earlier (don't ask) and had to rinse some ends. Didn't matter. Still looked good.

Tomorrow, I'll try to reproduce this hair, but it won't work. The part will be all wrong. I'll wait too long then over-blow dry it. I'll put in too much of this product and not enough of that one. I'll get frustrated. I'll brush it too much. Then I'll end up putting it in a ponytail.

Dear Face,

Jul. 6th, 2010 02:31 pm
roxybisquaint: (sarah not amused)
You can take a break from the wrinkle-making now. That's quite enough.

Thanks,
Roxy
roxybisquaint: (savannah foot tap animation)
Remember my first kiss story? Well, I found him. I found my 3rd grade boyfriend on facebook. I look every once in a while, but I wasn't sure of the spelling and it's not a super unique name. So in the past I've only had possible hits. This time, I was pretty sure, so I PM'd him and it's him. I think my facebook experience may be complete now :)
roxybisquaint: (sarah know thyself)
It would seem that seven months is how long it takes for the brain to normalize after quitting smoking. Seven months for me anyway. I've been doing amazingly well in recent weeks. Basically, I feel like me. Totally and completely me — not even a twinge of depression in well over a month and my emotions seem back to normal. That doesn't mean my emotional state is perfectly appropriate at all times because, you know, me has never been entirely well-adjusted. So maybe sanity is too strong a word ;) But it's good. It's comfortable. It's me. Physically I feel great too, by the way.

My use of the snus is on a decline now. I stuck with the every-other-day thing longer than I'd planned. Actually, I stopped even tracking how long I did that. It's less now, though. One day I could just tell I didn't need to reach for it, so I didn't. I'm still holding steady with the e-cig at the same low level of nicotine I've been at for a few months. I thought taxing my fragile little mind while it was so stressed would be a bad idea, so I made no effort to try to reduce that lately. I'm not sure when I will.

I've sort of had a one-year goal in mind to be totally free of nicotine, but the more I've learned about it, the less concerned I am. It's about as harmless as caffeine (just more addictive). What I don't like, though, is relying on a an e-cig all day long. Chinese manufacturing can be very temperamental. And I'm forever carrying around little batteries and little bottles of flavored nicotine liquid. It's annoying, even if it does taste good and smell good and keep me happy.

If those new Nicorette mini lozenges weren't so damn expensive (and they came in some flavor besides extra-gross-and-chalky mint), I'd give them a try. But one little breathmint-sized pack costs... $39. They should cost like $8. The problem is they're marketed to suckers who are used to paying a fortune for cigarettes because of the massive taxes. Once you factor out the taxes, though, lozenges are actually more expensive than cigarettes.

Everyone just needs to embrace nicotine so we can all have happy, healthy, brains. Give it maybe ten years and you'll all be using it in one form or another anyway. Yes, the nicotine utopia is coming! :D

Dear cold,

May. 1st, 2010 04:20 am
roxybisquaint: (sarah sick)
Ease up on the misery, would ya? It's only the first day. There's plenty of time to pressurize my face, irritate my throat, make my body ache all over, and intermittently stuff-up and drip my nose (though your talent for also doing both simultaneously has not gone unnoticed). You trying to win an award for the most powerful cold ever? Fine. The award goes to: Rhinovirus!

So I'll uh get that engraved on a statuette for you just as soon as I'm... feeling better.

Sincerely,
Roxy
roxybisquaint: (sarah charley hug)
I think you are my soulmate.

All my love,
Roxy

No, I have not smoked.
roxybisquaint: (aeryn haha)
I wasn't much of a Miami Vice fan back in the day. The man apparently was, though. He'd told me before how Crockett and Tubbs solved such tough cases that they often needed time off afterwards. And he'd quote Edward James Olmos's character saying "Crockett, Tubbs, take all the time you need."

The man always hogs the covers. Always. It's my own fault for staying up late and not being there to defend my side of the bed. By the time I get there, he's twisted and turned and otherwise made a mockery of what was once an even covering. The sheet is yanked to his side and the top spread has been shoved to my side. I don't even understand how he does it, but it's the same every night and I have to gently sort it out when I climb in.

Last night as I was fixing the covers, the man stirred. I heard this half-asleep yet spot-on Edward James Olmos voice say: "Take all the covers you need."
roxybisquaint: (sarah know thyself)
Last night, the man and I went to the Christmas train garden at the local volunteer fire department. Since it's also a fundraiser, we bought some raffle tickets. While we were filling them out, we had this exchange:

The Man: "I started to write my work number for the home phone."
Me: "That's nothing. I started to write 'Roxy' for my name."
The Man: "You're brain damaged."

I'm not sure I can argue with that. In my defense, though, I've written the name Roxy Bisquaint a lot in recent months on sticker order packages and customs paperwork.
roxybisquaint: (sarah shock therapy)
I'm feeling more like myself today. I started out kind of down (this incredibly gloomy, chilly day didn't help), but then got hit with a bit of anxiety that actually snapped me out of the funk. I never thought I'd welcome anxiety, but when given the choice between that and the downward stare of despair, I say bring on the excess adrenaline!

Nothing about this has been even remotely what I expected. Being a smoker makes you very familiar with the symptoms of withdrawal because you experience them frequently (for short periods of time). So I naturally assumed that quitting would mean I'd be dealing with what I already know, just on a grander scale. I was wrong. So wrong. Couldn't have been more wrong.

They say what happens when you quit smoking is different for everyone. Well, for me it seems to be all about dealing with my head — the anxiety/depression roller coaster, the loss of a sense of self, and the inability to write or do anything that requires more than three minutes of focus. What about this post? You wrote that. Yeah, but I started it hours ago and have been continually distracted by snow globes and vibrating cell phones.

Six days. No fate.
roxybisquaint: (sarah sad)
No anxiety today. Instead, I cried uncontrollably for about two hours. Oh yay. I wasn't upset or sad; I just cried for absolutely no reason. I really don't understand what's happening to me. And I think I'm becoming a total head case.

Physically, I still feel awful. My nose is stuffed up, food tastes terrible, I have massive sinus pressure and a headache (and I keep getting a migraine in addition to the regular headache), my stomach is acidic and my muscles are tense. I look terrible too. I swear I've aged about 10 years in the past few days.

How many more days until it gets better?
roxybisquaint: (sarah expletive)
Okay that might be a bit of an exaggeration in hindsight, but it's how I felt yesterday. I didn't expect the euphoria I'd experienced after 24 hours or so of not smoking to continue, but I was completely unprepared for the downturn that followed to be as brutal as it was. That was fucking rough. I still didn't smoke, though. go me

The e-cig seems to be a good enough nicotine delivery system to keep me from having strong cravings and to keep me from reaching for a real cigarette. It's damn impressive. Certainly better than the Nicorette lozenges I've tried before. The bad day I had yesterday wasn't because I was jonesing for a cigarette, it was mainly from dealing with anxiety. That's been an issue every day so far, but yesterday was the worst and for a few hours there, I didn't think I'd make it. I'm hoping this is a temporary thing while my brain chemistry rearranges itself. Since I've had anxiety problems all my life, I have no reason to believe it'll be substantially better or worse from quitting smoking. So I think it's just the adjustment period that's difficult.

I've been drinking LOTS of water (I've never peed so much in my life!). Partly it's to help the detox by flushing out my system and partly it's just to stay hydrated. I'd read that these e-cigs dry you out. Yeah, that's an understatement. For about two days, my mouth and throat were very dry despite the water guzzling. That's gotten better, but now my skin feels incredibly dry. So dry, in fact, that my thermal face wash burned my skin yesterday. Everything was fine until I went to put moisturizer on afterwards. AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! My whole face started stinging and I had this big pink patch on my cheek. Weird. I hope that's temporary.

Today was a much better day and I'm hoping for more. I don't ever want to smoke again; I'm finished with that life.
roxybisquaint: (sarah fuck)
What a weird day. 37 hours and counting and I still haven't smoked. When I passed the 24-hour mark this little experiment went from let's see how long I can go without a cigarette to I guess I'm fucking doing this. It was strangely emotional too. I was out running errands today (driving was a little scary) and had P!nk playing on the stereo (don't judge). It made me cry.

When it’s good, then it’s good, it’s so good till it goes bad
Till you’re trying to find the you that you once had


Yeah, so, like I was saying... weird day, very up and down. Right now, I'm a non-smoker and it's no big deal — it's actually quite easy. Yet a little while ago, I was in such mental turmoil I thought I'd cave. Mostly I just have to "vape" like crazy with this e-cig and probably jack my nicotine level up higher than normal to keep from itching too badly for the thousands of other chemicals my body is apparently withdrawing from. And I believe there's a hell of a lot more than nicotine that keeps you addicted to cigarettes. Otherwise, quitting would be easy with any form of nicotine replacement. But it's not and I feel like shit.

I've had a headache all day and my stomach feels not so good. I haven't been able to eat much and coffee seems to have no affect on me. My head has been in a fog and my thoughts, while surprisingly clear (I expected to have trouble thinking), are moving in slow motion. To tops things off, my old friend anxiety showed up early in the day. I greeted it with some Xanax, which helped. I recently read that some of the chemicals in cigarettes act as MAOIs. That might explain why smoking is so calming, despite nicotine being a stimulant. It has a very positive affect on the mental condition. Since my anxiety issues have gotten way better in recent years, I'm hoping that I'll have the strength to withstand any anxiety uptick I might experience.

You know what's funny? This electronic-cigarette normally uses little lithium batteries, but I also have a USB pass-through cord to power it from my computer. So I'm sitting here listening to music through earbuds hooked to the laptop while puffing on an e-cig that's hooked to the laptop. I think I may be merging with my laptop.

Oh, I made myself laugh earlier. That was a great boost to my frame of mind. If I can laugh through this, I'll be okay. Maybe I should get the man to tickle me everyday to raise the endorphins. Or maybe there should be a lot of sex.

Actually, you know what would really help? WB announcing a TSCC DVD.
roxybisquaint: (me smoking)
I may have accidentally quit smoking tonight. I wasn't even sure if I should mention it because I have absolutely no faith in myself to stick with it. I didn't even plan this. I was just sick of this cold and after a half hour cough-and-blow session this evening, I decided to try not to smoke for a while. That was about 14 hours ago. You might think that's nothing, but its definitely something. I cant even remember the last time I went anywhere near that long without smoking a cigarette.

This isn't some cold turkey kind of thing. I've got this electronic cigarette (actually I've got a better one now than the one in that link) that I've been puffing on. It's far from a perfect substitute, though, so every few minutes my brain keeps asking me to please light a cigarette and inhale some toxic smoke. You would totally feel soooooo much better if you had some awesome tobacco smoke in your lungs. My brain is so right. But so far I've been able to fend off those urges with the e-cig. It's kind of bothering my stomach, though.

So anyway, that's what I've been doing tonight... not smoking. I'll let you know when I fail ;)
roxybisquaint: (andy turk chess)
Shut the hell up!

Respectfully,

Roxy

*crickets*

Jun. 22nd, 2009 04:53 pm
roxybisquaint: (Sarah Derek so uh...)
Been busy. Save my seat. Be back soon.
roxybisquaint: (dunce cap)
Thank you. Thank you. It's not often that I win an award like this, but today, I truly think I earned it.

I never lose things. I'm not all freakishly neat and organized or anything (in fact, quite the opposite), but I do have very specific places that I put stuff I use all the time. Car keys get hung on the hook on the side of my kitchen cabinet, for example, and my sunglasses go on the dining room sideboard. Well it was a mega sunny day today, so naturally I went to grab my sunglasses before I headed out. Hmm. That's odd. They're not where I always put them.

These are prescription sunglasses, so I make sure to put them in their case to prevent my giant crazy cat from eating them (had to buy a new lens for my regular glasses a month after I got them last year thanks to his pointy teeth). And since he can't get at them, he's quite fond of knocking the case on the floor. I often find it under the sideboard or under the dining room table. Not today. I searched everywhere in the house and in our cars. They were nowhere to be found.

I'd just about given up hope, thinking I'd somehow dropped them somewhere when we were out. Then I saw my cowboy hat sitting on the dining room sideboard and it all came back to me... I'd put them under the hat so the cat wouldn't knock them onto the floor. That alone could qualify me for a dunce award, but it gets better. When I did that, I had this exact thought: "This is probably a bad idea because I'm totally going to forget they're under there."

*Dunce*
roxybisquaint: (sarah loneliness)
I love my house. It's about 80 years old, so despite it's quirks and creaks and extreme lack of closet space, it's got a lot of character. But one thing I've never liked are the doors. Their brass locks and chunky glass knobs are appealing enough, but the doors themselves are stained very dark. And you know those quirks I mentioned? One of them is that the bathroom door won't stay open. It prefers to be about 2/3 closed. We've fiddled with it—made adjustments. Nothing seems to work. The house is crooked and I guess crookedness sometimes wins out.

Anyway, the man's asleep, it's mostly dark in the house and I had to pee. You know where this is going, right?

*SMACK*

Yep. I walked right into the bathroom door.
roxybisquaint: (sarah kidding me)
As many of you know, the man has a bit of a thing for Summer Glau. The upside is he loves TSCC. The downside is I'm not Summer Glau. Anyway, I was showing him recent spoiler pics for episode 21 of TSCC and after pointing out the rather easily overlooked spoiler in the photo, I closed the picture.

"Wait open that back up."

It seems he wanted to gaze upon "dear sweet Cameron" some more.

"Yeah, that's a pretty kickass outfit she's got on there," I said.

"I like her hair," said the man. "If she cuts it for any reason, I'll stop watching the show."

Ooookay.

So we got to talking and speculating about Cameron and the kill switch came up. You know — what if John presses it, what if it's fake? That type of thing. The man was very concerned about why John might press the button. He can't conceive of Cameron going bad again or doing anything to prompt the pressing of that button. Do you know why? You're going to love this one...

"Cameron loves John. And he loves her."

Dear God. I am living with a JAMERONIAN! A JAMERONTOLOGIST! I will admit, I found it strangely touching that the man would have such a soft spot for John/Cam.

I had to press on. I asked the man about the idea that 43-year-old future!John would send his 16-year-old self a hot young robot to *be* with.

"I would definitely send Cameron to my 16-year-old self," he said.

And what of the notion that 43-year-old future!John might have been ahemming hot young robot himself before sending her back to his younger self?

"Why not? Anything goes after the apocalypse." I'll leave out the part about how most women in the future are probably prostituting themselves for survival and so a robot would be a better choice than a human female.

"I'm going to blog about this."

91.8

Mar. 7th, 2009 07:42 pm
roxybisquaint: (you're my bitch)
If you haven't been following my on-going body image drama that's because there hasn't been any. I'm average and I have no delusions about that. My body is what it is and it's nothing noteworthy — small hips, small chest, small butt. But a little over a year ago, I crossed 100lbs on the scale and I didn't like that one bit. Laugh if you must, but I'm only 5' tall, small framed, and I know 100 is heavy on me. I felt heavy. I also noticed the distinct lack of tone to my body. I finally got motivated.

I improved my diet a little and I started exercising almost daily. I didn't do anything dramatic, but I guess sticking with it upped my metabolism and over time it's paid off nicely. So here I am a year later, fairly toned and at my goal weight of 92lbs. I didn't just hit it today — I've been fluctuating around it for about 3 months. But I'm really there now. I just weighed myself (with jeans on) and was 91.8. I'm pleased.

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Roxy Bisquaint

March 2011

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