Roxy Bisquaint

Thank you. Thank you. It's not often that I win an award like this, but today, I truly think I earned it.

I never lose things. I'm not all freakishly neat and organized or anything (in fact, quite the opposite), but I do have very specific places that I put stuff I use all the time. Car keys get hung on the hook on the side of my kitchen cabinet, for example, and my sunglasses go on the dining room sideboard. Well it was a mega sunny day today, so naturally I went to grab my sunglasses before I headed out. Hmm. That's odd. They're not where I always put them.

These are prescription sunglasses, so I make sure to put them in their case to prevent my giant crazy cat from eating them (had to buy a new lens for my regular glasses a month after I got them last year thanks to his pointy teeth). And since he can't get at them, he's quite fond of knocking the case on the floor. I often find it under the sideboard or under the dining room table. Not today. I searched everywhere in the house and in our cars. They were nowhere to be found.

I'd just about given up hope, thinking I'd somehow dropped them somewhere when we were out. Then I saw my cowboy hat sitting on the dining room sideboard and it all came back to me... I'd put them under the hat so the cat wouldn't knock them onto the floor. That alone could qualify me for a dunce award, but it gets better. When I did that, I had this exact thought: "This is probably a bad idea because I'm totally going to forget they're under there."

*Dunce*

Why do I repeatedly sit on the couch with my legs stretched across to the coffee table, crossed with one ankle over the other? Gravity is certainly no friend to knees hovering over the space between couch and table. After a while I will inevitably start to feel an ache in the bottom knee. I reverse the cross of my legs, but within a few minutes the new bottom knee starts to ache. I'm probably in the middle of working or playing on the laptop, so I ignore it. I'll get up in a minute.

The thing about me on my laptop is I can ignore most other things when I'm on it. I get pulled-in, focused and that's that. I can turn off all awareness beyond the computer. I think I could actually have surgery without anesthesia if I just got involved in something on my laptop before they made the first incision.

A half hour goes by and I become acutely aware that the dull ache in my knee has grown to agonizing levels of pain. I finally decide to pull my legs off the table, which hurts even more. The lower knee really doesn't want to bend now. I bend it anyway... OUCH!... Then I get up and limp around like an idiot for a few minutes until the pain subsides and I can walk normal.

When I sit back down on the couch, the cycle repeats itself.

I'm doing it right now. Augh. It's really going to hurt when I get up.