Dear cold,

Ease up on the misery, would ya? It's only the first day. There's plenty of time to pressurize my face, irritate my throat, make my body ache all over, and intermittently stuff-up and drip my nose (though your talent for also doing both simultaneously has not gone unnoticed). You trying to win an award for the most powerful cold ever? Fine. The award goes to: Rhinovirus!

So I'll uh get that engraved on a statuette for you just as soon as I'm... feeling better.

Sincerely,
Roxy