Rogue spiders

Spiders live in my house. I'm fine with it. As long as they stay small and they stay out of the way — stick to corners that I don't visit or live down in the basement with the centipedes — we're cool. But they are not under any circumstances allowed to get on me or even come close enough that I feel my personal space has been threatened (this would include dangling from the ceiling in front of my face like one did today). When a rogue spider violates this unwritten code of conduct, I am forced to wield some authority. They don't get a plea. There's no trial. I am the judge and jury. Spiders are always guilty and I always hand down the same sentence: EXILE. They are relocated in my prisoner spider transport (paper cup covered with a piece of junkmail) to the great outdoors. It's a tougher life out there, but that's what happens when you don't follow the house rules.

If you're wondering about the centipedes, well let's just say they get to do what they want. They are too scary and too fast for capture. Don't tell them I said that though.